SAMMY EULOGY 20 DECEMBER 2017
/Dear All,
It’s been a while since I updated you. To be honest, there are some days where I struggle to even get out of bed in the morning let alone put pen to paper. However, when I can muster the strength and penmanship I will start trying to update the next part of the journey as a 34 year old widower. You never know, it might be cathartic for me and it might one day, help one person.
In the interim, quite a few people have asked me to send them a copy of the Eulogy. As a result, I have decided to post a copy it.
So much love and thank you for all your support. It means the world and I need it more than ever without my darling Sammy by my side.
x
SAMMY MEMORIAL EULOGY 20th DECEMBER 2017
As the expression goes, “every now and again, even a blind squirrel finds a nut”! As you all know, not only did I find a nut but I found my oak in Samantha.
Although this really was not the plan it is a real triumph to see such a marvellous gathering of the most wonderful people all in one place. I know that Sammy would be in complete shock to see you all here. I say this because one of Sammy’s most attractive qualities was her modesty. I truly believe she was none the wiser as to how truly amazing and beautiful she was and how many lives she touched and enriched in her drastically short life. The turn out today is testament to her and to the remarkable human being she was.
I have received countless letters over the past months and I cannot begin to thank you enough for them. They have given so much strength and support in the darkest of hours and helped keep the share value of Kleenex going up. Despite my mother’s best efforts to encourage me to respond to your letters I haven’t and I apologise. But, I wanted to let you know how grateful I am for hearing everything you had to say and how much Sammy meant to you. It is humbling how she touched so many, so profoundly.
One letter said, “Sometimes I think God could be jealous”. Quite a bold statement… But it went on to say…
“I think he was jealous of the fun and laughter that Sammy brought to all our lives so that he took her for himself.”
In Sammy’s short life she achieved so much more than many of us do in a full lifetime. Her life was so rich in love, friendship, family and laughter. There is so much to say and so little time to do justice to one of life’s greats. She really made the most of life and lived every day to the full. Sammy was up for everything and nothing was ever too much. She always saw the positive in every situation and the positive qualities in everyone she met. Sammy had this amazing knack of making you feel like you were the only person in the room, she made you feel special, always remembering what you had been up to and she never looked over your shoulder.
Any words I speak are woefully inadequate at describing how magnificent Sammy was. What I do know however, is that I do not need words to describe the hideous void that has been left in our lives and the searing pain in our hearts. These feelings give the true measure of the person Sammy was and how sorely she will always be missed.
Sammy was the most kind-hearted soul and we are all so privileged to have had her in our lives. She was so effortlessly beautiful, naturally cool and radiated excitement, kindness, empathy, positivity and love in every possible way. Her sense for adventure was contagious. People just couldn’t help but be drawn to her.
Her trademark smile lit up the darkest of rooms, her sense of humour was razor sharp and her laughter was as infectious as it was melodic. It could have turned the hardiest warrior into a puppy dog. I think that every single letter I received mentioned her laugh and how much that person treasured it and how much they miss it.
Sammy’s heart knew no limits. Most of you here today know what a cherished and enviable place it was to be held in Sammy’s heart. I believe that true love is the exact and equal measure of the love you have for a person, reflected back and coupled with implicit trust.
Sammy taught me a lot about love, but one thing I will always take away from it is how unconditional it was. Sammy taught me to love at 110% and not hold any back for self-protection, but to give everything you had and more. This is a frightening concept and inevitably comes with a risk of being spectacularly hurt but Sammy taught me how to let go and how amazingly rewarding it was to love so unequivocally and unconditionally.
I was the luckiest man alive, not only to have a place in her heart but also to be able to proudly call her my wife. Never have I seen such a stunning bride as on our wedding day. I am sure many of you thought the same and questioned what she was doing marrying me… that blind squirrel lucked out again and on that note, I welcome Charlie Talbot to the blind squirrel brigade…
I will never forget the first time I met Sammy. That beaming smile, her twinkling and dazzlingly blue eyes, her quest for fun, her laugh, her quick wit and her alarming capacity to drink me under the table. She instantly took the piss out of me and I knew she was very special. On the second day, she told me she worked in finance and was a self-proclaimed mathlete. So, she was intelligent, beautiful and a bit of a dork. She had to have one small downside…
One small mercy of the last two years is realising first-hand the irrelevance of everything else when compared with the importance of family and friends. Without all of you, we would not have got this far. Sammy’s family, including Rafiki, were her everything. She loved and protected them with all her might.
With her two sisters, “the sisterhood” was formed and to go against it gave rise for possible force majeure. A miniature battalion, of strength, love, collusion, support and humour who shared everything with one other. A crew of few, but a force that could not have been made without such loving parents, instilling such wonderful morals, qualities and characteristics. Sammy’s love and protection for her sisters and family was limitless up until her last breath.
Her generosity of love, empathy and gifts knew no boundaries. She was never happier than wrapping presents and meticulously doing so. Because, to Sammy everything was about giving! She enjoyed giving presents more than she enjoyed receiving them and was never happier than having prepared her excel spreadsheet in October for all the Christmas presents she was going to buy. Sammy loved Christmas because it was all about her favourite things: giving, celebrating, eating, drinking and making merriment with friends and family.
Sammy was also very charitable with her time, whether it be teaching her sister how to inhale, giving sage advice to friends, or her husband, or being mother hen at work. She always had the time for others and put herself second. At work, she was the fifth person in the company that now has over seventy. She is so profoundly missed not just by her colleagues but clients alike. Her work played a huge part of her life and it’s no surprise that she was so popular and extremely successful at what she did.
Sammy was an incredible athlete, as well as a mathlete, it turns out... She had that killer instinct and a wonderfully competitive edge. Yet she was both a gracious winner and looser unless it was versus me on the tennis court or against a burly, antipodean on the netball court. Sammy was incredible at netball. With her long arms and legs, she was like Mr Tickle and let nobody past her. She made a formidable goal attack and seldom missed with her assassin like accuracy. Early on in our relationship I gave Sammy a couple of shooting lessons. She was alarmingly accurate at that too and I quite quickly realised that if I encouraged her too much I would fast become her loader.
Whatever sport it was, Sammy had a wonderful ability to pick it up very quickly and her determination to win was laudable. Whether it be winning scalextrics, aged five or racing her father downhill on skis to the detriment of a broken hand. Sammy wanted to win! I believe it was this attitude, in part, that kept Terry away for as long as she did. The only game she wasn’t so good at was freeda. One evening, early on in our relationship, a game of strip freeeda somehow established itself. Sammy innocently walked into said game and ended up baring more than she bargained for.
Sammy had the most wonderful sense for fun, her joie de vive was unprecedented and was always coupled with her trademark laugh. Every holiday, weekend, dinner party, lunch, she was the always the person you wanted to sit next to. Always up for hilarity and never one to whinge or complain. All you needed was a little bit of music and she was on the table dancing and WOW could she dance (an attribute I cannot profess to share) and hence one nickname, Just Add Music.
I can vividly picture her galloping across the kitchen on numerous occasions, clicking her fingers and singing along to whatever song it was. It was at this point she normally wanted me to dance with her. As the mild panic of potentially having to use both my left feet settled in, I remembered a technique I had developed that had saved me on a number of occasions from having to dance. By lifting her off her feet with a big bear hug she couldn’t carry on dancing but was equally happy with a hug. She loved being hugged and I loved hugging her!
Sammy’s love for a party started at a young age, in fact too young an age. When she was 15 she asked her father if he could give her a copy of her birth certificate so that she could doctor it and use it as fake ID. (Some questionable parenting some might say, but not me…) It worked to great effect. So much so that in her inebriated state she lost it. This caused a bit of an issue when registering our marriage...
Samantha also had a wonderful sense of mischief. When sat next to the Managing Director of St James Place at convention in New York and after a bit too much vino, Sammy surreptitiously hid a silver milk jug from the restaurant in his jacket pocket. The next day he awoke to find said bit of silver and to his horror believed he had stolen it. Given her inability to upset or deceive anyone she confessed as soon as she could.
I do not think I have ever met someone who has suffered from a more acute case of FOMO than Sammy. Her Fear Of Missing Out was not just about missing a party but it was missing out on anything. I consider that, as well as her competitive edge it was her FOMO that helped drive her incredible battle with the insidious disease. Her fear for not being with her wonderful friends and family made her determined to win. Even after being in hospice for a week she asked when they were going to let her out.
Sammy’s fight was remarkable. Her Churchillian valour and courage was untold and despite the constant barrage of terrible news and tough treatments Sammy remained positive. She demonstrated, with exceptional brilliance how to face challenges head on, with grace and dignity. Never did Sammy complain and never did she think she would not win. Her dogged determination and positivity in the face of such adversity is a lesson to us all.
Back in May this year, at the time of the Do One Terry fundraiser, nobody would have guessed how ill Sammy actually was. Yet she managed to organise and put on the best charity event I have ever been to and raised £121,000 in the process. This is testament to Sammy’s character. Helping raise money for others despite her own suffering and illness. She always put others first.
Sammy really was quite a remarkable human being. Even up to the bitter end her Teflon genes kept her fighting. Heart-breakingly, the cancer got the better of our beloved Sammy but it has made some worthy adversary’s in its process. Together, we will get through this and together, one day, we will help to make this most evil disease a thing of the past!
The only consolation of Sammy’s passing is that she is free from the pain and suffering which she carried so gracefully and for so long. Despite her not being with us today I know that she will be willing us such strength from the side-lines. Our lives are a less rich place without Sammy but her boundless qualities and wonderful memories will live in US and OUR hearts forever.
A form of invisible medal if you will. Medals are earned through acts of bravery and inevitably through suffering. People wear them to commemorate a situation or person. Well, I wear my Sammy medal every day. It reminds me to be brave in the face of adversity, it reminds me to keep positive when everything is against you, it reminds me to love at 110%, it reminds me to laugh often, it reminds me of the importance of friends and family and it reminds me to live life to the full like Sammy did and would have wanted us to.
I am sure many of you are wearing this medal too and although it feels so very heavy and cumbersome right now, I believe one day (a long time away right now) it will be a huge comfort. It will have made me a better person due to having had Sammy in my life and it will be worn in my heart for every day I live, constantly cherished and carried with the most immense pride.
Sammy was the most unbelievable and outstanding wife, daughter, sister, daughter in law, sister in law, mother to Rafiki and friend anyone could have wished for. She was my best friend who brought me up when I was down and took me down when I was above my station. We went to bed holding hands every night and I know that had Sammy managed to have our child, she would have made the most wonderful mother.
Our lives are the richer for having known you Sammy but humanity is poorer for you no longer being with us. We will all aspire to achieve a fraction of your effortless qualities but will no doubt fail. It is so bitterly sad not to hear your laugh, seek your counsel or hold your hand. BUT it is the love we had, the love of our family and friends that got us this far and it is this love that will one day give us light in all this darkness.
In the words of William Penn. “They that love beyond the world cannot be separated by it. Death cannot kill what never dies.”